Losing innocence

By: fromthemesstothemasses

Dec 16 2013

Category: Uncategorized

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Today in church I got very distracted by this one sentence the pastor said “When you were in college, you  lost your innocence and you lost yourself in the process.” I don’t know why that sentence hit me so hard, but that is maybe because it was true, I was lost. At one point I think I was the furthest away from home while in college. And I don’t mean distance geographically, but in my heart. I felt so disconnected from my family and friends back home, I started seeing myself as this other person who could do the hell she wants with her life with no repercussions. Thankfully I had some great college friends who helped keep me balance. But as the years went by I think we all changed together unknowingly. We grew up a little but we also lost some faith in humanity. Losing innocence was bittersweet. I think I spent the first 2 years grappling between desperately hanging onto my old ways and trying to accustom myself to the new world. In my third year, I found the middle ground, but in that process I lost myself. Does it have to take being in another new environment for me to realize this? Sometimes, when I think about what happened the past few years, it feels so vague and I question myself was I actually living through those times. What the hell was I thinking sometimes? Honestly, I don’t regret most the experiences I had as there were lots to learn but I do wish I made a realization of where I was heading earlier. I thought I was the type of person that reflects a lot, but maybe I wasn’t doing it in the right mindset. I was pretty touched to find out that my old friend thought that I grew up a lot over these years but at the same time I feel that I still  have a long way to go. I just gotta make sure whilst all this, to remember to touch base and keep grounded. 

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